"The Last Post"

Bid Adieu to The Date, The Year, The Time

How do you bid adieu
To thoughts
Memories
of Cherished moments
Loved Ones
and
Precious Happenings?

Let's keep those thoughts with us
And Paint a Rainbow
Throw away
The Hate
The Pain
The Ugliness Within
The Farce Without
And
Grow as a person
Glow as a human
A fragment of the Lord

Our Choices Decide what the New Year will Bring to Us.

Easier to Fall in Love

And much more strenous
Tedious and difficult
To stay in it
And nurture it
Each Moment
Each Day
And See it
Gradually grow into a Tree
And Bear Fruit!!

Just a General Voice of Caution for all those Contemplating!!

Another corollary....
Change it to Having a Baby!! And raising it!

Deprivation

Why do some people keep their loved ones deprived of their love?
Does is speak of some inner securities?
Or they like to feel powerful when others beg for their attention??
They need to be analysed...
Why are people so rude with the persons who look up to them for assurance?
I am often left nonplussed by this sort of behaviour!
What is it with these people?

Christmas Wish List of a Mom

I love my Girls...please , this has got nothing to do with that.

But Oh Lord...can you please....

Tell them that
My Shirts

My Jeans

My Skirts

My Lipstick

My Chapstick

My Shoes

My Socks

My Bags

My Perfumes

My Clips

And Trinkets

ARE Mine!

And they DO NOT LOOK BETTER

in their Armoires?

Dear Santa...can you help??

Even Rudolph will rub his red nose redder,

For in my daughters' thoughts, what's Mom's, is Theirs!!

आवाजें

इतनी तीव्र क्यों होती हैं
कि अपने आप को "चुप" कहने के बाद भी उमड़ती रहती हैं

न जाने क्या नाता है इन लफ़्ज़ों से
न जाने क्या नाता है आवाज़ों से
न जाने क्या नाता है ख्यालों से
जो आते जाते ये आते हैं
और जाते हैं ..

कई बार लगता है कि ये कोई और ही है
जो मेरे अन्दर हर पल बोलता है
कभी मीठा, कभी कडवा
कभी ऐसा जो दिल सुनना नहीं चाहता
पर ऐसा सच जो सही है
न कि ऐसा झूठ जो सुन मन शांत रहे..
कभी इन्ही आवाजों को सुन
नए रास्ते मिले हैं
और कभी इन्हें ही सुन
नए अंजाम मिले हैं
कभी कभी इन्ही आवाज़ों ने
ऐसे लोग मिलवाये हैं
जिन्हें आज हम अपना मानते हैं ।

पर कभी कभी यही आवाजें
ऐसे भंवर बनाती हैं
कि अपना आपा हम खोने लगते हैं
और बवंडर में धंसने लगते हैं
तब अंतर्मन कोलाहल कर
हमें उस से खींच
उबार लाता है।

क्या हमारा अंतर्मन किसी और चैनल पर चलता है, जो DTH के माध्यम से सीधे दिल और दिमाग पर छाता है ? और चित्रों के साथ साथ आवाजें भी सुनाता है ? Clear and Sharp?

Shhhhh

Ok I shut up!
For the time being.
You don't have to run a tirade to ask for silence.

Gullible..Am I?

And also
Foolish
Intelligent
Possessive
Detached
Idiotic
Emotional
Simple
Complicated
Friend
Foe
Humorous
Dry
Witty
Sarcastic
Caustic
Romantic
Clumsy
Collected
Childlike
Mature
Short Sighted
And Short Tempered

Different Reactions of Different People at Different Times!
And
Different Reactions TO Different People at Different Times!!
Free World isn't it!

Patience

Is definitely a virtue.

And cannot be learnt.

I hope I never face an exam

On this subject.

Not in my list

Of Virtues that is!

The Carrier....of a Legacy

With each passing year,

I look more and more like my parents

Somewhat like my mother

At times like my father

Each groove in my face,

Each laughter line, each wrinkle ....

Carries a history, a legacy

Of their being, and of my existing,

Because they do!

Fickle

The fickle minded nature of some people perturbs me.
Selfishness, and notions of grandeur still disturb me.
I wish I could be immune to such people.
But why do they have the knack,
Of being like pinpricks,
Who irritate?

शुकराना

शुक्रिया आपका , आपके स्नेह का ,

दोस्ती का, आत्मीयता का , दुलार का, संस्कार का, साथ का

आभार !

हर पल, हर लम्हा

हर समय हर वक्त!

आपकी दी हुई कई नियामतें हैं , जो हमें आज हर पल

ज़िन्दगी जीने के अंदाज़ सिखा गईं और जीवन के अनगिनत पैदाम चढ़ा गईं।

उनके लिए...

जिनके कारण आज हम हैं , जहाँ हैं, जैसे हैं !

Another Page in My Story

Turn over a page
Write a new story
Pen a few newer words
Rewrite a few old ones
Begin a few things
Close a few old ones
Erase some old foggy memories
Clean some precious ones
Retire Old excuses
Cook up some new ones
Re-work
Re-load
Re-write
Refresh
Rejoice
Recoup
Remember
Restore
Rekindle
Rejuvenate!

धीरे से क्यों आते हो

ख्यालों में
मुस्कुराहटों में
सवालों में
जवाबों में
अहसासों में

क्या दबे पाँव चलने की आदत ही है आपकी
कि हमारी नींद तोडना नहीं चाहते ?

Advice and Information

Just learnt some new things about myself. Mulling over it...
Or rather sulking :(

Pre-requisites for a Love Letter

A little late in life to ask that I agree. Or maybe a little too early.

But if kids (ok not exactly), if youngters nowadays were to write love letters, would they have any pre-requisites for the same?

What would be the basic criteria? Would they have a certain set of standards?

Would they follow time tested paths? Or will they chart their own course?

Will they make the same mistakes? Or will they learn from their parents'?

Will they have the same trepidations? Or will they show the brashness of youth?

Or to think of it, will they pick up their Cell Phone, and just send an SMS or make The Call ?

Dimsums

Momos ?
Why are they Dim?
Why are they Some?
When they are so yum??

Some idiotic prattle..just for the heck of it :)

I Remember

I know, there is an English song..to this effect. But what do I do?

The first time I heard this song, I think I definitely needed a hearing aid. Got the lyrics jumbled up and thought why should someone be singing such utter rubbish!
My children, God Bless them, get into fits of laughter..Mom you are so funny !! (ok, I am mad, strict, crazy, odd, cute, lovable, adorable , depending upon the mood and the requirement of the moment, but then, those are the vagaries of motherhood and occupational hazards).
Since I am on the topic of English Songs, whatisitwithyouguyswhosingthosesongs? Can't you pronounce correctly, so that people like me can understand whateveritisthatyousing? Or am I destined to remain like hoi polloi and keep wading into the language and the lyrics of the songs to figure out what it means, both literally and figuratively?
And why can't what you sing make sense at all?
Ok, I know I sound like my Ma again. And can totally understand her frustations now that I have teenagers bounding around.
But still, ladies and gentlemen, who croon to glory, please, can you read, write, sing English and sense... especially in all those songs I do not understand?

I Cry :)

And Howl
And shed tears by the buckets,
When I do not get what I want!
Or should I roll on the floor
And throw a fit
And scream out my lungs
And generally make a nuisance of myself?

Will Mommy come and scold me then?
Will I get a swat on my bottom
And told "Behave"?
Or will I get my ear tweaked ?
Or be told to stand in a corner,
And given Time Out??

Noises or Voices

I was asked the other day...why is your blog called Noises, and not Voices in My Head...
Well, the voice is always mine. I haven't so far heard any one else's there. But there is so much going on in there that a car mechanic's workshop would be a quieter, saner place. Questions..Arguments, Ping Pong Debates, A spirited discussion, are all generated within the self and go about ,without intruding in my normal life. They are a part of me.

But there are those other external noises which intrude and bang - bang away on the skull
A clip clop clatter...of heels, the pattering on keyboards , the incessant ringing of telephones, the non-stop talking of people around me, and oh..the horrendous multi-toned jangling and ringing of cell-phones (oh please, people, haven't you heard of the word "Melody"? Why do you have to take up the latest of Himesh Reshammiya's or Mika's nasal twangs and leave us all gasping for breath each time your wifey, kiddo, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, distant cousin and the third removed call??)

Why do those noises poke into my own and create a ruckus..a cacophony, which I cannot bind in, which needs to be let out and released? All those pieces of my mind which if not let out, will not leave me with an iota of peace within?

Totally Addicted

And no sight of reprieve.
Hic!! Hic!!! Hrrrrraaa!!!

Bottomless Bottle
Bachhus' Jug
Sanity
Who are you?

Chocolate Icecream

Or Chocolate Cream

Or Chocolate Twirl

Or Chocolate Chips

Or Chocolate Fudge

Or Double Chocolate

Or Jamaican Almond Fudge

I miss all those flavours

Of Icecream!

Just banned for the moment.

Doctor's Orders, You See!!

नया चेहरा

आज से अपने चेहरे पर नया चेहरा चढ़ा लेते हैं

अपने ख्यालों को उसके पीछे छुपा लेते हैं

अपने ही कभी कहते हैं हमें

आपका चेहरा बहुत बोलता है

हँस के कहते हैं हम

की हम भी कहाँ कम बोलते हैं

जो नज़रें हमारी बहुत कुछ कह जाती हैं

उन आँखों पर परदे चढ़ा लेते हैं

चुप्पी में जो ताले यहाँ वहां खुले थे

उन लफ़्ज़ों पर ताले लौटा देते हैं ।

जो वाकिफ हैं हमसे

बिना बोल समझ लेते हैं

बाकियों से क्या, बोलें न बोलें

इसीलिए, यह चेहरे के परदे

अब अपने लफ़्ज़ों पर भी चढ़ा देते हैं ।

चुप्पी का दायरा कभी भी नहीं था

पर लफ़्ज़ों का कहा अब बंद कर देते हैं

ख्यालों में भी कब कम ही कहा हमने

पर नजरों में वे ख्याल अब लाते नहीं हैं

अपनी चुप्पी से हम कुछ जताते नहीं हैं ।

Reading Between Lines

Stop...Stop....Stop

I do not mean anything more than what I write

Do not read those dots as something

More than what they are..

Plain Punctuation Marks!

When I want to tell you more than what I write

I will tell you , in so many words

But don't add words to my silences

As it is, it is very difficult for me

to Keep quiet, more than absolutely essential!

ख्याल

ख्याल हकीकत हैं,या हकीकत ख्याल

रोज़ सोचना और मेरा होना बेहाल

सोचते ही और ख्याल आते हैं

और हकीकत को कुछ और धुन्दला ज़ाते हैं!

कई- कई बार यह तो समझ नहीं पाते हम

कि अनेकों ये चाहते सही हैं कि ग़लत

समझ नहीं पाते , या समझना नहीं चाहते

यह भी ख्याल और हकीकत के दायरे

के बीच का एक और ख्याल है !

चाहते इंसान की तो बहुत होती हैं
कुछ सही ,कुछ ग़लत , बे-बुनियाद होती हैं
सही चाहते अपना रास्ता ख़ुद ही निकाल लेती हैं
और ग़लत कहीं रास्ता ढूँढ़ते-ढूँढ़ते

ख़ुद गुम हो जाती हैं ।

कुछ ख्याल ऐसे जो कभी भी न बन सके हकीकत

और कुछ चाहतें ऐसीं, जो सच्चाई से कोसों दूर

हकीकत बनने के काबिल ही नहीं

उन्हें वहीँ टंगा रहने देते हैं,

अहसासों की दीवारों पर

वहीँ सजीं अच्छी लगती हैं !

One Track Mind

Questions :
1. Does a One Track Mind Wander?
2. Is the track always in a Straight Line?
3. Does it only go from Point A to Point B? Or can it also go the other way?
4. If two different people have one track minds, and if they put their minds to a job, will they then have a two track mind?
5. Does a One Track Mind do Only One thing forever? Or is it allowed to change tracks?

Taken For Granted

That's me!

Visual Warning Systems

Some people have eyes where you can lose your soul,
Others have eyes like an eternal, infernal black hole!!

Why can't they put up a sign and say "You Dare Look Before You Proceed!!'' ?
Why don't we have Early Warning Systems here?

? Sane Advice ???

Sensible adults time and again have told me to Love the person in totality...with the warts...mind, body, soul.
But please oh dear, can I not get by, by just loving the body, and getting on in life?
Why do we have to make things complicated ?

Now where are the brickbats?

लडाई झगडे

क्यों करते हैं हम
रोज़ एक लडाई
कभी अपनों से
कभी परायों से
कभी अपने आप से
कभी हालातों से
कभी जज्बातों से
कभी विचारों से ?
क्या ज़िन्दगी
इन बड़े बड़े शहरों में
सिर्फ़ एक रोजाना की
जद्दो-ज़हद बन रह गई है ?
क्या यह बड़े शहर
छोटे छोटे जज्बातों को
ख्यालों को
अहसासों को
सहेज कर नहीं रख सकते?
क्या यहाँ आकर
लोग प्यार
दुलार
संस्कार
सब भूल जाते हैं?
या यहाँ की तेज़ ज़िन्दगी
इन सब को कुचलती हुई
रेस की गाड़ी की तरह
निकल जाती है ?

Bad and Ugly Poetry

All that I can ever write,
ever ..
Is bad poetry
of the Grade II types
No rhythm
No rhyme
Just a reason
To Whine
Writing plain bad poetry
Is not always a crime
I write when I please
In languages I choose
I write when i can't
Think straight or close
I write when I feel
Just any lame excuse
I write for the heck
Let words go loose
Which flip and flop
And fall and drop
The post page complains
And giggles in vain
I write on whim
When sad
When happy
When Mad
When Droopy
When Bashful
Snow White..please go away
I am not taking your dwarfs
To grace my page.
And those who can write
Serious Meaningful Soulful
Ethereal Poetry
Thank You All of You
For sounding Sane
I am ok..
Sounding Maudlin and Mad
Normal
Breathing
Kicking
Alive!!

Fool's Paradise

I live in one...

But it is a nice place to be in!

Atleast till I find alternate, suitable accomodation.

Investment?

If you put your money in a bank or bonds, bullion or real estate,

where do you put your Life Energy Savings?

Do we have Life Bonds or what???

Where's my Banker?

Emotions Suck!!

Booo
Hee
Wow
Sniff
Ha Ha

Let me get out of here !!

Oh God..

We have a Monkey God,
A Serpent God
A God who dances on Corpses
A Goddess who rides a Lion
A Goddess who rides a Swan
A God who rides a Mouse
A Bull close to God
A God who rides on a Cock
A God whose seat is on a coiled Serpent
And another, who wears them around his neck
A God who stuck the moon in His hair
And A River, and lots of Ash
A God who carried a Mountain on his little finger

And we have these modern Gods
Who come into power
With Greed, Avarice, and Corruption
And Take over our country without
A slice of a thought and even lesser action
And thousands of this teeming population
Who live
Without a care
Just Daring to Live
In this mad mad country.

The world is nowadays awestruck by us...
No Wonder...
With so much poppycock flowing around
Why wouldn't it
We still seem to be stuck
In Mythology and Fairytale
And Baloney
No one can save us...
Oh God!!
Not even You.
I Hope You Do..
For we seem to have lost all interest
And Faith in ourselves
To right the balance.

I Love You !!

Why are these the three most difficult words ever, to be said?
They seem to stick in the throat like sawdust...
And even a sip of water doesn't seem to be able to get them out.
Will Cognac do what Water can't??
Just Speculating!!

An Empty Vessel makes much Noise

So what does an empty mind do?
Spew more on the blog?

When a Smile is not a Smile

She smiled at me...
And I looked back and smiled...
But
There was something which pricked..
Like a thorn
She smiled
But yet, did not
A mechanical smile
Which held no meaning
Maybe she did it out of conditioning
She smiled..
I looked again and
Nothing..but nothing
Travelled from her to me
Not an iota of greeting
Nor a miniscule ray of happiness
Nor a shred of bonding
Nothing
Yet, I know her
Do I know her physical self
Is it worth knowing that body
When I know nothing of the heart,
The mind, the soul?
Good people keep telling me
There are not all you will know
And not all are worth knowing
And those who are
Will be there, are there
Who will know you too
so do not fret
For you will find them
Or they will find you
Such is the way of The Lord
And of Mother Nature.

But the thinking mind
Feels hurt and sad
That even when you walk together
Many a times
You are not together
You are walking
Two separate paths
Traversing different routes
To reach different destinations
The Enlightened Mind
Which sometimes makes a presence
Feels nothing
And just calmly watches
It knows well within
That she was not meant
To be someone
I knew
And someone
Who knew me
And it was perhaps
Just as well
And for Good!!

ज़िन्दगी के निशाँ

दूर बैठ कर देखा हमनें...
पर दूरियां इतनी थीं कि कुछ कहना लाज़मी न था ।

उस दिन तुमने रेत पर हमारा नाम लिखा
और फिर कई पल एकटक उसे देखते रहे
कुछ देर सागर की लहरों से खेलते रहे
वापस आते वक्त उसी लिखे हुए नाम
के पास से हो कर तुम गुज़रे
रेत पर अपने पांवो के निशाँ छोड़
और फिर उसकी ओर देख,
न जाने क्या सोच मुस्कुराये..
रेत में कुरेदा हुआ वो नाम
हमारा ही तो था
पर न जाने क्यों उस वक्त
यूँ लगा कि उस पर
तुम्हारा हक हो ।

बस यूँ थोडी सी देर ही तो हुई
ज़ोर से इक पानी का रेला आया
और बहा ले गया वो नाम
और मिला दिया उसे,
तुम्हारे क़दमों के निशानों से ,
रेत फिर कुछ देर में
पानी सोख
वैसी कि वैसी हो गई
जैसे वहां कभी कुछ था ही नहीं
और शायद था भी नहीं
जो था,
वो सिर्फ़ ख्यालों का
कोई लम्हा रहा होगा।

दूर बैठ कर देखा हमनें...
पर दूरियां इतनी थीं कि कुछ कहना लाज़मी न था ।

Wrong Notions! And Fairly Fairy Tales

Why do we women.. ok ..girls...

feed ourselves with utterly idiotic escapist ideas of love...
of the Mills and Boon, Barbara Cartland and the etc. types?
Why aren't we given realistic ideas, so that we are prepared..

For the Bitter and The Worse?

समझे नहीं, पर फिर भी समझते हैं

रिश्तों के गुत्थम गुत्थे
क्यों इतने पेचीदे होते हैं
यूँ ऊपर से नीचे और
नीचे से ऊपर जाते हैं
दायें से बायें
और बायें से दाएं जाते हैं
आगे से पीछे
और पीछे से आगे आते हैं
और हम...
ऊन और बिल्ली
की तरह
उनमें उलझ जाते हैं

यह बातें हम आज तक समझे नहीं
पर कहीं दिमाग और दिल में
जंग हो रही है
एक कहता है
समझ गया!!
और दूसरा
क्या...क्या समझें!!

बस... एक और कशमकश और हम
क्या और कहाँ कहाँ लड़ें
बस...छोड़ दिया!!

An Old Friend

I met an old old friend the other day.
and came back feeling as if a salve had been applied on my bruised soul...
as if I just got a warm hug...
from my Mom

Felt healed, loved, cherished.
We should all have such sanctuaries.....
wherein we can go...and get reborn!!
Thank you! (I know she will not read this..but I must say this)

Why do we fall in and out of love ?

लोग प्यार करते हैं, कुछ पाने के लिए

या प्यार करते हैं, कुछ खोने के लिए :)

Why do we fall in love...is it a pit or a valley or a black hole?

And when we move out of that love,

do we still fall out,

as in descending

or we rise out of it,

as in ascending?

Why does it sound like

we are shifting houses or something?

And when I visualise it..

I see a person being thrown out,

like a projectile,

or a missile

or maybe an expletive....

so is it so bad to fall OUT of love?

And if it is falling, then do we need to....

fall in love, I mean??

English is definitely a PHUNNY language... Muddles my mind, it does!!

I Think, Therefore I Am!

Can there be a meter which checks the thoughts that flow around a person?

Take me for example, at a certain point of time, there are so many of them flowing around me, that, had I been a cartoon character, there would be less of me, and more of the blurbs floating around my cartoonised character ( not very difficult, just draw a two circles, and two WWF style arms, and two fat chicken legs... hee hee !)

Why can I not think of just one topic at a given point of time?

Why do myriad, unconnected thoughts and conversations keep happening at the same time?

Why do I then have to sit back, later, and untangle them, to get a sane thread?

Is it just me, or this happens to others too? Or I am just plain, stark, raving mad, or reaching there?

Again, I wonder!

Butter!!

Where art thou, O where art thou??

I searched high, I searched low
'n gathered sweat 'pon my brow
I turned the town, upside down
And went to every store uptown
But never a pat was to be seen
Of Amul-Britannia or in between
My breakfast table does complain
Not seeing that nice golden strain
The Toast looks dry and barren too
With Nescafe or that cup of Bru
Eggs do not seem just the same
The fruit can just have no name
Oh where art thou, o where art thou
Do come back, do, My love so true
Oh.. just some spoons or just a gram
And free me from this horrid Jam!!

RAIN...everywhere

The City just came to a BIG FULL STOP.
Rain....Rain.... Rain
Water Logging...
Roads missing....
Loads and Loads of Cars..
Stuck in the Jam...

Thank the Lord for FM radio....

प्यार, आज, कल, या हमेशा से?

आज दिन भर एक अच्छा काम किया

किसी को जी-भर तसल्ली से याद किया

एक-एक पल उनके ख्याल बुने

एक-एक पल उधेड़े
फिर बुने, फिर उधेड़े

यह करते करते अनायास ही तागों से उलझ पड़े

अपने ही आप पर बरस पड़े

फिर मनाने की खातिर बिखर पड़े

तब जाना कि किस हद को पार कर आए हैं ।

अब और अच्छा सा कम कर रहे हैं

जो एक एक कर

उनका नाम ले

ख्यालों को सुलझा रहे हैं

अपने आप को फिर अपना बना रहे हैं।

ये जानते हैं , कि कुछ दिनों बाद

फिर उस मोड़ पर जायेंगे...

उन्हें याद करेंगे

और लौट आएंगे॥

The Candy Shop

Ever seen a kid outside a candy shop

with his nose glued to the glass pane

At times, i feel i am him,

i can look,

i can ogle,

i can drool..

but can never have :D

Ah!! the vagaries of old age!!!

Mid-Life Crisis

What? Why?

No clue...someone just used THE word...so am wondering!!

I Live to Eat

And love to Eat
Period!!

Holiday Blues 'n Purples

Are too many holidays good for the soul?

Or are they spent on getting tired and doing endless things which you would not do otherwise? Resting your poor body, or your tired sole? The pun is intended, the soul is happy wherever it is. It is the mind, which is stressed, the tresses that are stressed and sanity, poor thing, which is deserted.

Correction Fluid for Earlier Thoughts

(Since I can't use an erazer...) :)

I would normally advocate to everyone, even to myself, go ahead and grab that moment, take that opportunity. Do not wait.
But at times, it is not prudent to pre-empt situations and things. And it is best to wait, for things to run their course, and for times to change.

इंतज़ार बनाम ज़िन्दगी, या ज़िन्दगी बनाम इंतज़ार

जिंदगी में यह ऐसा बड़ा सा लफ्ज़ है
इंतज़ार
क्यों होता है यह हर वक्त...
कभी वक्त का, कभी किसी और का,
कभी ख़त कर , कभी जवाब का,
कभी बड़े होने का, कभी नौकरी का, कभी शादी का
कभी मौके का, कभी क़यामत का...

शायद इसलिए की सब कुछ तुंरत ही मिल जाए,
तो क्या क़द्र करेगा इंसान खुदा की नियामतों का...

Conversations through Silence

Am trying, to learn, how to converse..
Again, I agree...
But this time, through silence.
For a person who talks a lot, and has internalised conversations, it's asking for a lot.
To understand nuances, gestures, moods, looks.
To catch the numerous strains of thought that flow from others to me.
To be warmly receptive enough so that I do not to scare the other persons' thoughts away...
And to be moderately aloof, so as not to appear intimidating.

I am not perceptive, so this is actually a tall order. But with a few hiccups and goof-ups, I am, s-l-o-w-l-y, oh, verry frustatingly slowly, learning.
But what a learning this is...
A can mean Zee, and Zee can mean D....
A new code language...where nothin's whatusee...
You start from Omega and jump to an E
Why does all this sound like Pharsee to me!!

The People Around Me

Many a times, i just sit....and feel ...

in times of such quiet and solitude..

there are times and there are times.......

Sometimes i just sit and let things flow by

at such times i get this feeling

of people around me

an uncanny out of body experience

i find myself floating

and find myself among a lot of people

and i feel..

i feel them walking around me

i feel them talking to me

i feel them emoting and telling me things

i feel as if a current is coming in from them till me

it is strange and odd...

i am sitting , all alone.

No one i can see is around

but there are so many of them all around me

people from my past

people from my present

people i love and loved

people here and then

people....floating around me

i can feel them sitting next to me,

the warmth from their bodies

being transmitted to me

like a current, an aura

which comes to me..and merges in me

i feel them as if there is someone next to me

i can feel them touch me

sometimes i feel that someone

is standing right behind me

and I feel a breath on my back

i turn, and find no one...

"Ghosts.."my friend tells me

"Ghosts?"I ask

"What about the persons who are alive and kicking and meet me everyday.."

"Ah, they send in their auras then...to contact you."

"Contact me? Whatever for, I will see them again in the next one hour. So why contact me now..."

The learned one, she says..."Well, they must have thought about you

and thought is such a powerful tool

so it travelled....from them to you

and you felt the person talking to you"

"Ah..you are mad!" ,I tell her

"Am I?" she counters back

"Don't you get these niggles, as if someone is telling you something and it happens?"

"I do" i say....and start thinking.

Why do I meet people so...

and some of them, whom I have never met

who come over and greet me

and i feel i know them and they are very dear

sometimes,

i meet someone there in that grey area

who definitely raises my hackles

and makes me feel insecure

and unsure

and awakens the demons in my mind

and unleashes the negatives.

I find my aura shrinking from such persons

And literally see the colour black...

reaching out to me...

and i shrink back

evading all that

which is perceived as being sent to me

i withdraw, and i see a cucoon

forming around me...

White...Like a thick impermeable cloud

WHY?

Why do i feel so...

i do not know..

as much as many of those things

i still neither know, nor understand

But

i wait

for the moment of realisation

When ...Maybe...i will

Know!

हमारा कहा

जो हम कहते हैं
शायद पहले भी यही ख्याल
कईयों को आए होंगे,
कईयों ने कहे होंगे
कईयों ने यूँ प्यार के इंतज़ार में
लम्हे बिताए होंगे
हम जो कहते हैं वो नया तो नहीं
पर एक नए नाम से
एक नए अहसास में
सब नया लगता है
मोहब्बत का हर फ़साना
नया नहीं होता
बस दो नए नाम
दो नए दिल
उसे हर किस्से पर
नया कर जाते हैं

कल देखे थे ख्वाब और ज़िन्दगी आस पास बैठे हुए

चेतन-अवचेतन में
कभी न कभी
यह ख्याल तो रहा ही होगा
कि शायद मिलेंगे कभी
ख्वाब और ज़िन्दगी
अब जब मिले हैं, तो दोनों चुप हैं
समझ ही नहीं पा रहे
कहाँ से शुरू करें
अजीब हिचक है दोनों की
ऐसा नहीं है कि अनजान हैं वे
एक दूजे से
पर न जाने क्या है कि दोनों
चुप हैं, खामोश से हैं
लबों पर न जाने कैसे
हज़ार ताले लगा रखे हैं
कुछ वक्त के, कुछ समय से
और कुछ ऐसे जो वास्तव में
हैं ही नहीं,
बस मन में लगाये बैठे हैं
यह भी सूझ नहीं रहा कि
बोल नहीं हैं तो क्या
बोल नहीं सकते तो
आँखों को ही माध्यम बना लें
पर हाय देखो तो सही
दोनों नज़रें झुकाए बैठे हैं
शायद दोनों के दिल बोल रहे होंगे
और वे दोनों
एक दूसरे की भाषा समझ रहे होंगे
पर हम अल्लाह के नाशुक्रे बन्दे
ज़िन्दगी के बोझ से बोझल
कहाँ समझ पाये कभी
दिलों की जुबां कों।

When History Knocks

Do you open the door , and let it in?
Do you say.....I am not at home,
So will you please go away?
Or do you say SHOOOO!! BOOOO!!! OUT !!! ?
Or....Do I know you?
Is it a warm Hello, and you begin
Where-ever it was, that you had left it?

अमलतास के फूल

अमलतास का फूल भी थक गया है,

पेडों से लटक लटक कर,

कहता है हाय !

कितना इंतज़ार कराते हो,

मेघा, कब आओगे!

जब सूरज चढा था, ग्रीष्म का

तब वादा किया था उस से

कि तब तक इंतज़ार करूंगा

जब तक तुम आओगे

और एक वादा लिया था तुमसे

कि तुम आओगे

और बहुत जल्द आओगे

महीनों बीत गए हैं,

और मैं अब भी इंतज़ार कर रहा हूँ

आओ न,

अब क्यों रूठे हो।

अब तो एक-एक करके

मेरी डाल की एक-एक पंखुडी

सूख रही है, मुरझा रही है

तुम्हारे इंतज़ार के हर एक दिन

मैं एक पंखुडी से बिछुड़ जाता हूँ

पर फिर भी टिका हुआ हूँ

और विरह की पीड़ा सहता हूँ

राह देखते तुम्हारी

कि मेघा, आओगे तो

पर न जाने कब आओगे।

अब तो मेरा यौवन भी ढलता जाता है

और पीला रंग, फीका पड़ा जाता है

बेरंग और बेनूर सा हो गया हूं

पर इंतज़ार हैं अनंत

मेघा , आओगे तो

एक दिन ज़रूर आओगे।

और अब आओगे तो

मेरी नई नस्ल होगी

और नया जूनून होगा

नया यौवन होगा

और उससे भी

तुम वही वादे लोगे

और वही वादे दोगे

पर मेघा

तब आ जाना ज़रूर

नहीं तो कठोर-ह्रदय,

धोखे-बाज़ कहलाओगे

और तुमपर से

अमलतास का विश्वास उठ जाएगा

कोई न देखेगा राह तुम्हारी

कोई न करेगा चाह तुम्हारी

इसीलिए,

आ जाना

जब भी वादा करो

आने का।

Dry July!

As Dry as the Northern Belt (Cow Belt)
With not a drop of the Monsoon to be seen.
So is my blog...
Not a single post..
And this is obviously, just to fill in the Blanks for the time-being.

C U later....when words prevail

Romantic Notes

Now me and Romance...
Are things both far apart and immensely close.

There are times...
When I feel romantic...
Heh Heh
And feel like writing long verses
And sing paeans to the Love God
And immediately,
The Wicked, Naughty One in Me..
Gives me one kick
In you know where
And says...
Hellooooo. Wake up Sweetie..
Romance is for the birds
And the cows...
And the Bees..
But you too Brutus
Falling Prey??
And I laugh and shrug off the feeling.


But......
Somewhere this feeling stays
Of someone somewhere,
Someone..out there
Who will be....
Whom I have looked for....
Forever it seems...

A soul that completes mine
A look that reflects mine
What I am, the other Half.
Of the Pendant...I carry...
In my heart.
A peace that reflects
From within
A voice that speaks
Without speaking
A look that tells
Without looking
A feeling , a touch
Without actually touching.

An ache that stays
But within...

And then come the calls...
Mamaaaaa...she hit me...
No she did it first!!!
And the thought
Crumbles...
And Shatters....
That
Ends up Being
The BIG COMMA in
my Romantic Dreams!!

Why Again!!

Why do i put so much trust, so much of myself into a relationship? Why do I pour myself into it, and give it my soul?

Leh-Ladakh

Holidays

Can get very tiring. You need a Holiday to work off the Holiday !! :)

ये मनवा की होड़

कबहूँ यह मन सोचे हैं, लिक्खें सौ -सौ पात

कबहूँ जाने क्यों होत है, शब्दन की बरसात।

होता न कोई देर है, न ही होत सबेर

जल्दी जल्दी मच रहे, न होती थोडी देर ।

कबहूँ मनवा शांत होत, बोलत न कोई बोल

सुना सुना कर थक गया, सब कुछ मोल टटोल ।

कबहूँ लिक्खन की मार है, कबहूँ मनवा चोर

ले जाता है संग में, कागद कलम बटोर ।

ना जाने क्या बोले है, क्या जाने किस संग,

का जाने क्या बांचे है, कौन अजब प्रसंग

मनवा ख़ुद तो बोले है, मनवा में होए सोर,

मनवा ख़ुद ही हारे है, बांच सबद कठोर।

मनवा मन का मीत है, कोई न होवे और

चाहे कितना ढूँढ लो, चहुँ दिस चहुँ ओर ।

Looks and Beyond

Some very ordinary people...are blessed with such beautiful hearts.
They make the world worth living in.
And some people blessed like Adonis's descendants..
Have Satan hidden in them.

Why is it then, that people still look and judge?

And why do we flip a bolt when we see..
An ordinary human being,
But with a halo, a shine within?
Why do we think that beauty will come
Packaged better?
Can not God's Gift Packaging Staff
Be on leave sometimes?
And stupendous gifts
Be simply wrapped?
Without much ado?

Rambling again.....

Each Day That Passes By

There are folks and there are Folks...

Folks whom I miss desperately, like an ache in my bones.

Like a throb in my heart, who stay with me like Raindrops....

Memories, but still soft, moist, refreshing, cool.

They are the ones who fill my thirst for companionship.

These folks are the ones who make me who I am.

Parents, teachers, friends, family (ok not all!),

Neighbours one or two.

A colleague here, an accidental acquaintance there..

Life progresses, and you move on

But these FOLKS are the glue in life..

Who keep you intact.

When everything else falls apart.

Why Do I Fake It??

Before anyone gets ideas....

Why do I fake Anger, Sadness, Enthusiasm, Interest, Indifference, Love, Hate, Boredom,

Any obvious feelings,

For People Who Do Not Matter?

And why do I do the same, with PEOPLE WHO MATTER?

अक्षर कभी यूँ टूट पड़ते हैं

अक्षर कभी यूँ टूट पड़ते हैं

कि उल्टे पुल्टे, मुडे टुडे

कागज़ पर छलक ही पड़ेंगे, टपक ही पड़ेंगे

अक्षर कभी यूँ बाढ बन कर पड़ते हैं,

कि सारे विचार, सारा वजूद बहा ले जायेंगे

पत्तियों, डालियों, घास के घर कि तरह...

कभी कहना चाहता है बहुत कुछ यह दिल

कभी सुनना चाहता है, बहुत कुछ यह दिल

पर अक्षर कहाँ सुनना चाहते हैं

बस बरस पड़ते हैं, ओलों को तरह

और कहा सुना, सब उनके शोर में,

लुप्त हो जाता है।

विचारों का यह झुरमुट

कभी यह आम के वृक्ष कि छाँव बन,

कभी यह पीपल का चौबारा बन ,

कभी यह रात के जंगल कि तरह,

लहराता है, सरसराता है

और विचारों का विचलित

मन सहम जाता है।

विचारों का यह झुरमुट

कभी कभी सहरा भी बन जाता है

जहाँ सायं सायं लू चलती है और कभी

हिमालय की वादियाँ बन जाता है

जहाँ हर शब्द

एक शीतल झोंका सा लगता है

जो गालों को सहलाता है,

मन को खूब भाता है

जहाँ तन कि तड़पन को राहत मिलती है

और सांसों का रेला फिर चल जाता है।

विचारों का यह झुरमुट शायद

मेरा हिस्सा बन गया है

दिल की धड़कन, रगों का खून बन गया है

जो हर कदम पर पूछता है मुझसे सवाल

और हर पल देता है मुझे जवाब

यह तो मेरे वजूद, मेरे अस्तित्व

का अंश नहीं, सरमाया बन गया है।

अक्षर बन जाते हैं वाक्य

वाक्य बन जाते हैं विचार

विचार बन गए हैं धड़कन,

धडकनों के साथ अब यह शब्द,

मेरे जीने का कारण बन गए हैं।

Dependence Bugs

Emotional Dependence...
On Politics
On Sports
On Friends
On Foes
On Family
On Fate

Is a bug. The virus should be removed as soon as possible, otherwise there is a strong possibility of your hard disk crashing.

I Wish...I Could

Standard line, since History
And definitely Shaped my Story
I wish ... I could
And I wish I would...

I wish I Could
Hold your hand Dear Child
And tell you how much I do love you

And Trust You,

And still, be able to step back

And let you take
Your wobbly baby steps...
Your springy toddler steps...
Your cocky childhood steps
Your argumentative Teenage Steps
Your confident Youth Steps
Your assured Adulthood Steps
And have the courage to
Let you, take those steps
One by one, On your own
For you have a long way to go
And I can only go so far, and so much with you
I wish you have the courage
The fearlessness, the assurance
Of knowing that there is a parent
Right behind you
Who will watch, and not butt in
Till you really need me to.
Not Want, but need me ..


I wish I Could..
Tell you!!
I wish I could Tell you...
Dear Husband mine, To have patience,
With your child... and to let her be...
She is growing....as you did someday
And try to Understand...Not just her ...
But me....for what I want for her,
Is an Ability...to care, to bear, and ...
To be able to be....
As all us women would like to be...
An Individual..Not a Daughter,

Nor a Sister, Nor A Wife...
And finally, Not Just a Mother...But She...
And to have faith in your wife,
For she is not a superhuman,
As she tries to make out to be.


I Wish I Could
Tell you Dad,
That inspite of my being
Bossy and argumentative,
And Mad at you
Most of the times...
I did and do love you.
I know you knew,
but I wish I could tell you,
One more time.

I wish I could tell you
Mother Dear,
That I have grown
And am finally an adult...
But to you, I know,

I will always be...
The baby that I once was.
And you still see me...
As I was.
Even though I am now a wife
And a mother...
And I hope, Me.
And if at times I don't listen
Is not because I do not wish to
But because I cannot .
For your vision,
Can not be mine...
Forever.
I know, that I am you,
More ways than one...
But Ma, at times, just let me be. :)

I wish I could tell you ,
Dear Friend of Mine,
That you mean a lot to me,
But , even if I wish, I couldn't
For it is too difficult, to open out...
And speak from my heart again.
Years of wear and tear
Have taken their toll, and
Ennui has set in...

We may go different ways,

For we have chosen differently.
But thank You Dear Friend,
For being there...
And in small deeds, showing
That you do care.
Thank You for Understanding
Thank you for looking beyond my looks
And trying to see the person I am...
And also hope to be.
And thank you for Believing
In me.

But ...I don't

I wish I could

I wish I would.

Writer's Block

Where all writers become a block of inanimate objects.
Which include a statue, a pen, a chair, a phone, a table lamp. And more of the above.

Which I am facing right now. A big block of wood seems to have descended on my head. No thoughts come in. Vacuum...void....black hole.

Purging seems to be happening.

Hopefully, the suction pump will complete its job and leave the mind clear of all jargon and junk.

Let newer thoughts filter in then.

Onions, Garlic and Ginger

Some of my friends are like Onions...to get to their heart, I have to keep peeling off layers, and shedding copious tears in the process.

Some of my friends are like Garlic....individual, aromatic pods. Have to be taken separately.Preferably one at a time and they do quite well in brine.

Some of my friends are like Ginger...pungent, astringent... and excellent, both salted and sugar candied, and also pickled.

Youth knocks again

At my doorstep.
Ok, now the people who do know me, give me a break. I haven't any plans to hit doddering heaven for quite some time. Though one look at me, and I know, I know, you all burst out laughing. Youth and me ????

Hello, I wasn't talking about Youth, But, THE YOUTH. the one who knocked ... on my door. And all I did was, peeped through the peep-hole, and decided not to open the door. This youth.. was the burst of SUMMER...too hot, too humid, too dusty and too irritating to even bother about. Too much energy for my poor old bones to handle. He gives me a rash!!

I could do with the winter again. Discontent soul that I am!

I crib in the summer,
I crib in the rain,
I crib in the autumn,
till it is winter again!!!

But Summer, It just drains me. I feel like a Dishcloth, limp and lifeless, lying around.... .

Summer fills me with longing....deep, in the bone longing for the cool night (?) and the moonlight. Where I can still weave some gossamer dreams perhaps! And knit a thousand thoughts around.... knit, twirl...knit, twirl.... .

Comment Moderation

Handy tool. To keep some conversation out of the loop of being posted on the net.

Was thinking...or rather , talking to myself (yes, again!!) why don't we have something like this in life too.... Comment/Situation/Happening/Occurence/Snafus/Goof-ups/Break-ups/Fisticuffs/And There Goes My Foot Again (in my mouth) et all Moderation???

Some of them, I could definitely, oh yes, DEFINITELY DEFINITELY posted on my Lifesite/Lifespot especially the fisticuffs and the Snafus. Definitely. Hilariously so.

And There Goes..... incidents...errr accidents actually, would have been previewed and then mostly deleted and some published. Would have had such a PURRRRRRFECT Picture of myself. Not this image of a mentally derelict, pulchritude spewing, pun shedding , madcap that I portray.

Who the dickens bothers about that. Obviously, oh obviously, the objects of my expletive missiles and barbs would definitely have been posted into history happier and in love with me (yuk!!). And many of my collegemates would definitely be resting in their airconditioned, kurloned, styrofoamed cupped office cum restoftheirlife existence( grave existence) very smug about how nice they were and how floored I was with their magnetism and charisma !!!

And I would be singing BA BA BLACK SHEEP...In their dreams!!!

And I could do a painful moment moderation and a breakup moment moderation...HEY Did I have a breakup moment? Yessir, when I decided to say goodbye....to chocolates (with no success). Was there a boyfriend...crush etc etc...yes, but always so one sided that the guy had nooooo inkling. Idiot me... Would have had a great time chaffing coffees and idlis (you guessed it right, could not afford anything more than that ...not me, but the guy). I sure scared the daylights out of all my classmates, with my hockey weilding, WWF loving attitude. My loss, their gain. And No Regret Moderation needed here.

Thoughts

Some thoughts are like a favourite shawl....I just wrap them around me....and feel content...warm....protected.....loved.
I do not mind the winter then.

Flowers around Me :)

I Love

My friends.

THANK YOU.. THANKYOU... THANKU.

For being there

For being idiotic

For being mad

For being rude

For being...

And for the numerous put me downs

And thwaks given by all of you over time.

And I am glad.

I hate you

I love you

But not the least

I cannot live without you.

My poison

And my nectar

Stay around

All of you

I wish for forever.

Vaccination Alert

Before you girls decide to promote Boyfriend to HUSBAND, please innoculate him against the HUSBANDATTITUDE contagious VIRUS.

In Continuation...What is love

I have just surmised

A FERRIS WHEEL ...

Kabhi up, kabhi down

You keep hanging like a clown

Clinging to the bar

Bar bar lagatar

Getting dizzy to the core

Still wanting some more

Top of the world

Then Down in the dumps

I feel it is somewhat

Like Measles or Mumps

You laugh and you cry

On a roller coaster ride

You scream and you shriek

And maango pyar ki bheekh

Kya hai yeh pyaar

Khatta meetha sa aachaar

When you get off the wheel

You feel like a heel

Your head runs away

And your feet are asway.

Arey kya hai yeh pyaar...

Chal pooch ke aayein yaar!!

Sugar and Spice

Some people are sugar

Some people are salt

Some people are spice

But please, oh please

Can I have them

One at a time

'tis especially good for my diet.

Me the Chicken

When someone throws some chaff at me, I, like the hen, go pecking around looking for some grain in it...Birdbrained twit I am.

A Basket Case

That I am ...much more than a tin case
A leather case or a wooden case

Just a Basket case
With a lot of wild rushes
Entwined and entrailed
Twisted and Turned
Plaited and Twirled
Till I reach a shape
Lots of strings
Lots of knots
Lots and lots of clots

No smooth finishes,
No polished surfaces
No grainy feel
No sense at all
So yes, I am
A Basket Case
An odd shape
Kept in place
By the knots that go around

Who keeps Nicknacks
And Memories
Who keeps Laces
And Smiles
Who keeps Buttons
And Friends
Who keeps Needles
And Feelings

Just a basket
Made of a bit of reed
A bit of creed
A little malleable
A little hard
A penchant to fall
Yet stay in place
And sometimes to fray
And get repaired again

Yeh Hindi Transcript

The Hindi typeface of this blogger..Has set some rules

Don't blog while you talk, Don't blog in a rush

Don't blog when uninterested

Concentrate

Why does it sound like my Mom

Don't talk while you eat, Don't eat in a rush

Don't eat when uninterested

Concentrate

Doesn't it sound like my Mom?

Whenever I talked when I ate,

I chewed my gum or bit my lip

And the moment I get my hands

rushing on the keyboard,

and typing using the Hindi transcript,

All that comes out if it

Surely looks like Chewed up Gum

Sticky, gooey and Messy :(

Concentrate :)

I quite liked the minimalistic look

so like a change of garb, and season...
getting ready for the summer.

Nitpicking.....

Ok...I get a kick out of picking

on things, people and ......issues....

Nitpicking that is called

or splitting hair.

Well, at this rate,

I will no longer have any hair to pick...

and MENTAL BALDNESS

is definitely not something

I look forward to.

God....Save me from myself.

(Actually, after typing in that...I clicked on the SAVE NOW button, and burst out laughing )
YOOO HOOOOO.

मैं ....

कभी-कभी लगता है कि मैं चातक हूँ

बारिश की एक-एक बूँद का इंतज़ार करती हूँ

मुंह उठाए , टकटकी लगा कर

बादलों को देखती रहती हूँ

कि अब तो बरसें

और बारिश की एक बूँद के पड़ते ही

झूम जाती हूँ ।

कभी लगता है कि मैं सारस हूँ

एक टांग पर पानी में खड़े रह कर

तपस्या सी कर रही हूँ

शायद इश्वर की एक झलक तो मिले

और यह इंतज़ार ख़त्म हो ।

कभी लगता है कि मैं रात हूँ,

रोज़ चाँद के आने का इंतज़ार करती हूँ

और जब चाँद आता है ,

तो उसकी चांदनी में भीग जाती हूँ

और सुबह होते ही ,

ओस की एक बूँद बन
कभी फूलों, कभी पत्तों पर

कभी कलियों , कभी घास पर

बिखर जाती हूँ ।

(हैवानियत के बहुत आसार नज़र आते हैं , इंसानियत के कम)
बहुत कम लगता है कि मैं इंसान भी हूँ

जो दूसरो का दर्द देख कर रुक जाती हूँ

और मदद करने के लिए हाथ बढाती हूँ

बहुत कम ॥

Rain

Surprising....
Odd time of the year ..Odd showers
Odd thunderstorm Odd ...

But wow...
Good mood; Good Breeze
Good snapshots & The world seems allright
Like the firebrigade put out the fire...
Whoosh

And phsst....
The bloated tyre of stifling mind numbing heat
Deflated and life came back to normal

Where is my funny bone

Too mucho fat all around...so cannot see that bone

The bone which is meant to be funny

But right now, 'tis covered with inches of lard

It's funny alright...but cannot be tickled

Everything, Nothing and In Between

Do you wish for everything

Or too much

Do you want a mansion

Or a Palace

Do you want a Lamborghini

Or a Jag

Or maybe all of the above??

Everything :) ?

Do you wish for A little less money

Do you wish for a little offbeat health

Or Hunger

Do you wish for a lesser number of friends

Or Solitude

Do you wish for less food than you have

Or lesser clothing

A smaller house

Or a smaller paycheck

DO you ever...

Wish for Nothing ??

Life does not give us

a multiple choiced question paper

Where the last answer always is

ALL OF THE ABOVE or

NONE OF THE ABOVE

So we pick and choose

One of the various choices

Which at the moment

Means more than Everything

More than Nothing

Something In Between.

And that becomes EVERYTHING

Kyon ..

क्यों

क्यों रोज़ सूरज निकलता हैं
क्यों दिन होता है
क्यों शाम होती है
क्यों चाँद निकलता है
क्यों रात होती है
क्यों क्यों ?

क्यों हवा चलती है
क्यों फूल खिलते हैं
क्यों आम पीला है
क्यों गगन नीला है
क्यों पानी बहता हैं
क्यों पर्वत बैठा है
क्यों क्यों ?

क्यों दोस्त मिलते हैं
क्यों दोस्त बिछड़ते हैं
क्यों मीत बदलते हैं
क्यों पतझड़ होता है
क्यों आँसू झरते हैं
क्यों मौसम बदलते हैं
क्यों वक्त बदलता है
क्यों उम्मीदें बनती हैं
क्यों फूल फिर खिल जाते हैं
क्यों नए दोस्त मिल जाते हैं
क्यों क्यों ??

क्यों ...
बचपन से आज तक
एक यह क्यों है जो बदला नहीं है
मौसम आए , मौसम गए
लेकिन यह क्यों
ज्यों का त्यों वहीँ खड़ा है
क्यों ?
और अब उसके और भी संगी-साथी हैं
कब, कहाँ, कौन, किधर और कैसे
जो अब उसके पास खड़े रह कर
मुहँ ताकते हैं
जैसे पूछ रहे हों
चिढा रहे हों
क्यों ?